No folks, this is not an anatomy lesson. Nor is it talking about the number 86 tram. Nor is it talking about the proliferation of gay nights in the inner north. It’s not even about Merri Creek. It is a grammar lesson.
A few weeks ago, Pope expressed some concern about my use of the semi-colon (;). I was concerned about her ignorance. So I thought I would take it upon myself to educate her, and in the process, you.
The semi-colon has an air of unnecessary formality or over-grammatisation about it. Furthermore, it seems totally substitutable: one could write a literary masterpiece with only commas separating phrases and clauses. And, it would be rather queer to put a semi-colon in a personal letter. As a result it is rarely used. There was a time when the semi-colon was not used solely for emoticons.
Put simply the semi-colon joins or separates.
Take these sentences as an example: “Many students live in Fitzroy. Yummy mummies live in Clifton Hill.” These two sentences are independent clauses because they can stand on their own. However, if you replace the full-stop with a semi-colon you suggest a relationship between the two statements: “Many students live in Fitzroy; yummy mummies live in Clifton Hill.” The relationship is not clear and it encourages the reader to consider its nature. Of course, you could spell out the relationship but there’s no fun in that! What do you think I am saying about the good people of Clifton Hill?
While a semi-colon joins, it also separates items in a list. For example: “On Wednesday Pope purchased a pound of butter, a wedge of Camembert and a packet of beef lung for Mr Bojangles at the South Melbourne Markets; a bottle of McGuigans Dry White at Piedimonte’s; and six Lilly stems, a potted Petunia and a Venus Fly-trap at the nursery next to The Pinnacle on St Georges Road.” Here, commas would not be sufficient to clearly explain what Pope brought, and from whom brought.
Finally, semi-colons may be used when the writer would like to join two independent clauses with a conjunctive adverb (therefore, however, indeed etc). For example, “I like the new trams YarraTrams use on the 96 line; however, they are only on lease from a French firm and will be returned in a few years.” Extra caution is necessary when using semi-colons for this purpose, however. As I illustrate in that sentence, conjunctive adverbs do not necessarily have to be used conjunctively. Secondly, unlike the first example I gave with respect to the use of semi-colons, using a full stop or semi-colon makes no difference to the tone of the sentence. And thirdly, if the independent clauses are particularly long, a full stop may be more appropriate. Consequently, I would counsel against its use in this case.
So Pope, I hope this has been enlightening and you will not pester me with your ill-informed criticisms. One cannot expect to mix in the exulted circles of the Fitzroy intelligentsia, if one does not know their grammar. Perhaps that why you live in Northcote.
Much love – Baker 
Fitzroy intelligentsia, pfft. Some would call that oxymoronical.
I much prefer to consider myself a part of the Northcote cognoscenti.
Given you have ‘mistakenly’ corrected me a number of times on grammar I’ll take this repudiation with the grain of salt it deserves.
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